Shavis. Black Queer Dude. He/His. Comics, Music, Janelle Monáe, and other stuff. A mess currently working on becoming less of a mess. Unless stated otherwise, I do not claim ownership of anything posted here.
Hey. My name is Moukie, and I need your help to escape from a toxic home environment. Because the alternative is great harm to me, or actually killing myself because that option is incredibly appealing right now. And that scares the jeepers out of me.
I came out to my mom on June 1st, 2018, and while we never had the healthiest relationship (she was always abusive, but she had her sweet parts too), I truly thought that she would at least still love me in some capacity. She would defend me against my homophobic dad and insist that if I was, that would be my “choice” and has nothing to do with her.
She led me to believe that even if she didn’t support me because of my sexuality, that she would at least tolerate me. That she would at least love me, still.
She doesn’t. It feels like she never has.
My mom is threatening me with kicking me out, and to a gay black boy with shit credit and no money saved, that’s pretty much a recipe for insta-death. I don’t think or know if I would survive out on the streets. I have no other family or friends I could turn to or stay with or anything like that. I work two jobs and I’m still fucking broke because of all our bills, tuition, bus fare, etc.
I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m consistently suicidal. Those ideas are back in my head again, and they’re doing their damnedest to make sense. The trouble is, they really are. Whether or not I act on these impulses, the jury’s still out on that one.
I’m trying to do my best to survive out of spite, to live my best gay life without my family, to reinvent and live and love myself the way I was meant to live and love myself. Maybe that’s in Los Angeles, or New York, or Paris, or Seoul, or maybe even here in Canada. Maybe I’ll just move to Toronto and try to survive and thrive on my own.
But I need your help to get there.
Every five, ten, twenty, fifty, whatever dollars – they are invaluable to me and could mean the difference between life and death. Even reblogs help immeasurably. Between being stuck in this hellhole podunk town and house that has me living in fear whenever she comes home, that has me wanting to kill myself every single time she messages me to harass me some more because she’s fucking heartless. I’m trying to not love her anymore, to cut her off and distance myself and put boundaries between my mother and I the way I did and continue to try to do with my father.
But she’s my mother, the way he’s my father, and it’s hard. But I’m trying to do right by me, to put myself first for once, and maybe help convince anyone who sees me live my best life away from the toxic influence of seemingly permanent family bonds that you can escape and go on to thrive and find your own family and make a better one for yourself.
I need help with finances to prepare me with my inevitable move. Bills, food, transportation, passport, tickets, rent for apartments, whatever. I don’t know how much to ask for. I’m just trying to get as much as I can as soon as I can so I’m not left with nothing and out in the cold Canadian winter and die on the street the way she clearly expects me to.
Please help me out in whatever way you can. Under the cut is some of the shit I’ve had to deal with from her. Not exactly the best idea to read if you have a horrible relationship with your mother/parent, fyi.
The kicker is…I really, truly believed that maybe my own mother, the one who gave birth to me and took care of me and saw me my entire life, who raised me, who I came from, would maybe, possibly, hopefully love me for me. I thought maybe my mother would understand me. I thought maybe she would love me, for whom there was never a time before her. She decided I wasn’t worth loving.
And I have to live with that. I have to live with that knowledge. That my own mother couldn’t love me.
Hey everyone. I was really hoping that I would be kept on for my seasonal job, but I got the call from management that they were letting me go after tomorrow. That means one source of income is now down the drain. And given that my other employer is still giving me next to no shifts and refuses to cooperate with me, I’m effectively jobless (and EXTREMELY bummed out about it). :’(
My bills don’t seem to care, though. Weird how that works out.
Anyways, I’ve no choice but to look for another job or two, but in the mean time, I’m going to need your help. Please do what you can, whether it’s a donation, signalboosting, or both.
straight ppl dont get to call us pillow biters and rug munchers and ass bandits and sodomites and faggot and d*** and every other disgusting name you can think of for a lesbian or gay person—for literal decades—and then try to call themselves tops and bottoms just cuz they like pegging like. im not doing it. im not allowing it
people keep asking why i censored the d slur but not faggot and it’s because i’m not a lesbian, so like. there is that.
*muffled scream because I have two booksets this week. One of my departments and the biggest department because that department head is on vacation this week.*
Me- I don’t wanna go to class today. I feel out of it
*classes is cancelled *
Me- God???? Is that you???
Me: I️ don’t want to go to work today
Boss:
(Looks like God’s got both our backs today)
Bless this day ❤️❤️❤️
I swear this post is blessed or something because I said “I want a reason to go somewhere” while looking at this post and then pretty much just after, my mother asked me to go to the store to get some eggs since I used the last 2
The more energy and focus you put into creating your friend, the more independent and powerful it becomes.
Keep talking to your friend and imagine it being in the same room as you. It will eventually manifest.
If your imaginary friend appears in the form of a young child who stares into your eyes without talking or blinking, lock it up immediately. This imaginary friend is not yours, and you do not want to deal with it.
If your imaginary friend has not manifested yet, never hug or shake hands in public. You will look stupid.
Others can see, touch, and interact with your friend.
It has its own free will.
Make sure it looks 100% human.
Keep anything less than human in the basement. The organization might take it and you away.
You can do all sorts of activities with your friend, but never let it be in charge.
Do not let it harm you.
It only dies when you die.
In case you have to lock your friend up in the basement, make sure it does not attract the attention of visitors.
Consider getting a cat or dog.
Talking dogs or cats are a big no-no.
Really think about what you are getting yourself into.
Have its knowledge match its age.
Treason is unlikely.
Remember, your soul is in it. Your soul will be judged. Take full responsibility.
it happened today, damn that was like 3 days maybe?
It Works the money is on its way!
Need this.
Of course
It worked tho
I just won $500 off a scratch Ticket lottery.
ENERGY
OKAY LEGIT I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY. ME AND MY PARTNER ARE IN SUCH A TIGHT SPOT FOR MONEY ATM AS WE ARE SAVING FOR A DEPOSIT ON A HOUSE. I GOT PAID DOUBLE WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET AND SO DID HE AND HONESTLY I CRIED SO MUCH TODAY IM SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED
this guy has been messaging me MULTIPLE TIMES every day asking me to promo his (non palaeontology related) book after he THREATENED TO SUE ME and calls me names on twitter i absolutely cannot believe the utter nerve
me calling someone an asshole and then asking them to promote my book seconds later
If you’re not familiar with him he’s the guy who threatened to sue me because i made fun of him for thinking Velociraptor was a vulture-like soaring bird and that obscure mammals known only from teeth could fly based on absolutely no evidence whatsoever
he also got banned from wikimedia commons when, after his (wildly inaccurate) commissions were repeatedly taken down because he never properly got permission for them to be added, he threatened to sue wikimedia commons.
he then devoted his time to vandalising wikipedia pages with his headcanons about poorly-known fossil animals, often which are directly contradicted by the actual papers he cites.
anyway someone formally requested that he be banned from wikipedia, upon which he threatened to sue wikipedia. he was temporarily banned, at which point he got himself banned from the place where he tried to appeal his ban, after which point he somehow got himself banned from the place where you go to in order to try and appeal for access to his talk page.
he then figured out how to make a bunch of wikipedia sockpuppets (likely using computers at his university to evade his IP ban) to make the exact same edits as before without changing anything - he’s got a real sense of subtlety. when these are reverted on sight he cries sexism and homophobia or something like that
he’s somehow landed on the conclusion that this is all my fault, and so every day or so he @s me and the official wikipedia twitter saying that our end is near and his efforts are slowly wearing wikipedia down from the inside. i’ve been deleting and IP blocking his anons on sight for weeks but it just got too funny and i thought you should all know this story
DOXXING HIM
Guy’s threatened to sue me too for disqualifying him from a writing contest! And then when he asked my organization to promote his book, we turned him down due to all his bullshit, and then he raved and ranted about reporting us to GLAAD.
Apparently he’s sending this exact ask to literally everyone who likes or reblogs this post
literally cannot make this up. i have never heard about this until this post and IMMEDIATELY i get this lmaoooo
